I know the hits to the log have gone way up, and it was really cool knowing that you had a reader base – and that would inspire me to write more often, but honestly, that is nto the kinda writing I want to be doing. Yeah yeah yeah, that’s what I said last time.

So, lets learn a fun new word:
tergiversation tuhr-jiv-uhr-SAY-shuhn, noun:
1. The act of practicing evasion or of being deliberately ambiguous.
2. The act of abandoning a party or cause.

Now that’s fun wordin’

I have been a little introspective as of late. Not exactly sure why, but I know it has something to do with buying a house. I have more fear of commitment over this house than I ever did over getting married. Before the wedding I was cool, never a negative thought. The only regret I have is not getting a better DJ for the reception. And of all the things to go wrong, that is a pretty minor one.

Buying the house is not the problem, I know I am behind the learning curve on the financial knowledge – but I have Kelly who has the d/l on debt (via her job, not personal experience). Plus she has gone through a couple of books on the subject. It’s not that I don’t want to learn me some mortgagein’, more that I don’t want to commit to a life of cubical living. Kelly really wants to have kids. And I do too. Don’t get me wrong, the only thing holding me back from reproducing is my last ditch attempt at a good career. Or at least what I would consider a good career.

Cause if you ask anyone else about my current career path they’ll say it’s a “good” one. But it is also those people that led me down the path through school, to this job, in a cube, under florescent lights that suck your soul from your body. Behind a CRT that is one day going to make me sprout a third eye that can squirt a vial liquid from.

I don’t want a third eye.

Perhaps this is just an early midlife crisis. Everyone in a while I start fretting over my status among my coworkers. Who has what title, who is making more money – only to realize that I am actually fretting about details that make absolutely no difference to anyone.

Of course cirque teasing me didn’t help. When I imagine what life coulda been like I see this wonderful exciting world. But then I think about programming till I lack the physical competence to run up a wall and do a flip and I get this feeling in my chest, a feeling like my lungs have collapsed.

Now that I reread this, I think it is depressing, and that is will shine a negative light on my personal life. Just remember that is it related to my professional life only.

If you want depressing, lets talk about lifting. I have only been once since the near year (two weeks) and I lost my little index card that I record the weight I lift. Now that is sad. I am also gonna have a hard time getting up tomorrow to remedy this melancholy state because I have wushu and gymnastics tonight. Bryan said he is going, so I really wanna go too (I haven’t seen him in a while). Hopefully this gymnastics will be more productive than it was last Tuesday, where I did 30 min of aerial twists into the pit then stopped. I will do some real tumbling, and I need to run up that post a few more times if I am ever gonna get that wall flip where I am comfortable with it.

Ok, I am off to work on the Wushu Score DB thing that no one will maintain unless it is yours truly…dah.