Lord of the Flies

It’s strange enough hearing about an office building in NOVA that had fly infestations, but apparently it is more of a wide spread problem. In fact, they don’t even stick to office buildings at all. I would be willing to wager that them flies would even infest a residential building. Like, say a town house. The reason I would be willing to bet on that is because I had flies invading my bedroom last night.

I wondered into the room after my shower and notice something on the ceiling. So I do what any man in my position would do: I grab an orange towel and snap it at him. Direct hit. Only the fly is still flying around the room. Wait, no, now two flies are flying around the room. So I continue to snap the towel at the first fly (I think it’s still him, flies are hard to tell apart), hitting him maybe 3 times with vary little luck. That sucker is tuff. The second bug has settled nicely off to the side and is just watching everything form the ceiling. After carefully sneaking up under him, I snap him real good. He drops like a fly, surprisingly enough. I use the towel to brush him off to the side. I also stood there and gloated, because after besting that ferocious fly I proved that I am clearly the master of my domain.

Back to the first fly. Only he is insisting on driving his person into the light on my ceiling as hard and as frequently as he can. Well, I didn’t really want a shower of broken glass raining down on the bead, so I decided I should not snap the towel at him when he is sitting on the light (after a few min of driving full force into the light Mr. Fly would get tired and rest. That’s when I had a great epiphany: the fly likes the light. So I lightly swing my deadly towel and brush the light and get the fly airborne, and shut off the light. I hear buzzing of the fly’s wings as he bangs into the ceiling for 30 seconds or so. It stops. My ears perk up and I hold my towel in a low fighting stance, looking up. Flip on the lights and scan overhead. That black spot is a dead give away, because, well, a fly looks like a black spot on a white ceiling. Snap! Then I tower gloriously over my victim.

Now the task of finding out how these little flies got into the room. The tops of the windows have had a tendency of dropping own a bit, and since the tops lack screens I figured they might have entered that way. I pull the blinds up on the big window and to my horror I see those tell-tale black spots, three of them. Odd thing is the window was cracked just a little, not quite enough for these flies to squeeze in. But I would have to figure out that little mystery later, these intruders needed vanquishing.

My first reaction is to open the window and shoo the flies out. So I open the top of the window a good 8, 9 inches, lower the blinds and twist them as tightly closed as I can. They are now trapped between the blinds and the window. I then shook the blinds to encourage the flies to take flight and head out to freedom. They didn’t move. So I shook harder. Two flies few thought the blinds, like they were not even there. Now they were buzzing around he room mockingly. However they quickly discovered the light to slam into, and their mocking flight pattern was forgotten in lieu of a the great light discovery. That thing is like catnip for flies. Fly nip.

I did the only thing I could do.

I jumped around snapping and turning the lights on and off. But with three adversaries I decided I needed assistance. “Kelly!!!” I shouted repeatedly. After, I donno, yelling for a long time at the top of my lungs, I decided I really needed her help. I walked over and opened the door to ask for her aid. I enlightened her onto the ways of turning off the light so the flies would stop on the ceiling on a place other than on the light. After we handled the second wave of flies (the last one also was able to fly thought the fully closed blinds as well) I was back on duty for trying to discover their point of entry. The little window was open a good 2 inches. And there was another fly hanging out on the window. I asked him to leave. I warned him. Threatened him. Even tried to shoo him out the fully opened window. He opted to fly into the light.

Eventually he was snapped proper.

We were set on the task of disposing of all the fly bodies. I shook the blanket and a fly flew out. He was hiding in the bed. So we dealt with him by smacking him mid air with a mighty swing of the towel. He shot like a rocket toward Kelly and she screamed an assumed a defensive squat. I dance around the room taunting the flies and swing my towel. They seemed to all be down.

As we were grabbing the vacuum to dispose of them proper one started to move again. Kelly grunted and slammed a laundry basket (she prefers larger blunt weapons) and slammed it down on the dazed fella. We vacuumed him up and found the next fly, thinking that surly that last fly amazingly tuff, this one must be dead. Well, she starts to stagger crawl across the floor and buzzes his wings a little. Whomp! Laundry basket. And then before he could come to he gets sucked.

Turns out they are all just unconscious. The one under the shoe rack even starts to fly but I wack him repeatedly with my hands much like a puppy, who lacks control of his oversized paws, tries to pounce on a bug. A bug, like a big ant, or a fly.

We track down the remaining flies in turn and check them into Motel Vacuum. A total of 7. Seemed like a lot more during the hunting process.

We make sure all the windows are tightly closed. And put are slightly buzzy vacuum back it the closet and try to go to bed. It’s hard to fall asleep with all the adrenaline of battle still pumping through your veins.