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My wushu 0wNz j00!

It looks like there are going to be 80 people at team trials. I keep having these pangs of doubt over my chances of hitting the top 12. I know I will have another chance in 2 years — even if I will be 27 then — but something about it. I know I am not gonna be embarrassed by my performance. I can compete with the best in the country and not stick out like I don’t belong, but I am worried I won’t stick out as one of the good ones either. But I cannot let this doubt play a part during team trials, I have to be mentally prepared for it, if I don’t’ believe that I own it my uncertainty will show through to the judges. They will sense the fear like a big mean dog and the scores will rip me to shreds.

Plus I believe that the flavor and style doesn’t come from correct technique but rather hamming it up and acting out the wushu how you think wushu ought to look. Think of an old kung fu film and try to add some of that flair and style to the form.

Of course I don’t want to become that guy with the big ego and no skills to back it up, but there is something to be said about that. My Dad would always tell me that the fighter pilots needed their ego. They needed to believe that they were better than everyone else in the world. If they lacked this healthy self-view they wouldn’t strap them selves into the jet and go up and have missiles shot at them.

So I need to refine my mental workout to get myself ready for competition. I have done plenty of tournaments in the past, but this one has much higher stakes for me personally. I won’t go around talking up my badass wushu skills; but when I get out on the carpet I will totally own it. I have to or I will fail.

Thinking of this makes me nervous.

I am gonna go hide in a closet now.